I am in the precarious position right now to be working on a project with someone that I don't really like. And by that, I should clarify that I think this person is nice and all, but our personalities just don't mesh. At all. And I've felt this from the beginning. I knew when I started the project that it was destined to fail...and it hasn't exactly failed yet, and I promise to do my best to not let it fail, but it is certainly floundering. I've never been in the position of being in charge of a situation when someone who "reports" to me is someone I perceive as incompetent. Someone who actually creates more work for me than saves. So, I am a little unsure of how to rise above my general irritation, work around this person's ineptitudes, and foster good spirit...all while actually getting the project done. Part of me just wants to wash my hands of it...I've already been told by someone that I report to that if it gets too bad that she would find a way to rid me of the problem. But I don't want to go running to her all the time. If I am the leader, then I have to figure this out on my own. Without swearing. Without crying. Without pulling out my hair. I've been in the position several times where an equal or even a superior irritated me, but that's a completely different situation. When a superior is irritating, there's little I can do about it. When a peer is, I try to just do my job to the best of my ability, maybe pick up the slack where I can, and that's it. But to be in charge of someone like that...well, this is an edifying predicament I find myself in and I am determined to prevail. But, I also believe that part of being a successful leader is knowing when to cut your losses. I don't think I am at that point yet. But it won't be long.
It hasn't been too exciting of a week. Work. Working out. Keely's ultrasound. Tonight Wendy and I are supposed to meet for coffee. I think I am helping Keely move on Saturday. Nothing extraordinary. A little bit of Writergrrl drama yesterday, but nothing outlandish. The weather has been fickle - one day fairly nice, the next drizzle. Can't say that I care for the drizzle much. But, I chose to live here, where it rains so much, so I can't really complain too much. :)
Mika must need some new toys. Last night while I was in the bathtub, she was scooping out some of her cat food onto the floor and then got busy chasing it all over the floor. She has toys like balls (both of the small and medium variety) and the catnip bag (which I haven't seen for awhile so I better investigate where she may have batted it). But instead she chooses to bat her food around or take the rocks out of the fountain and chase those around. Strange cat.
I cannot believe March is almost gone. Where did it go? I mean, really? Seriously. I just don't understand what happened.
Checked my ASL grade this morning and it was finally posted: A-. Not bad. Not the solid A that I earned last quarter, but I am the first to admit that I didn't do as well this quarter. Probably what brought me down were all the little papers, and maybe the book quizzes. I didn't try as hard on those. But I am satisified with the grade.
Found out this morning that Keely is having a boy. Yes, I wanted a girl. I am still holding on to the thread of possibility that both the sonographer and the technician were wrong. :)
I'm craving bread today. A meeting let out today and left their extra garlic bread (as well as pasta, brownies, Ceasar salad) in the cafeteria. I've now had several when I shouldn't have had any. No, no, I am not on one of those silly no carb diets. But garlic bread that is obviously saturated in olive oil isn't that great for you. Oh well. I was going to work out tonight anyway.
Taking on a new position for the Writergrrls zine. I told Wendy not to let me do it, but she wasn't around when I did it. I'm now going to be group leader for Opinions. I've been in Explorations for a very long time now. And I am also style guide grrl and proof mistress. I really didn't need to take this on, too. But, it's not an exorbitant amount of work and I wasn't doing much in the other group anyway. I just didn't want a gaping chasm in my life because class is finished. I need things to do.
I'm listening to a cd that a copied a long time ago, called Operatica. It's kinda weird...I haven't listened to it since I lived in the apartment in Redmond. Kinda this deja vu feeling. It's an interesting cd...not something I would have found on my own.
I was C-R-A-N-K-Y yesterday afternoon. I literally wanted to smash something. It was all because my computer was slow. So I finally complained to the powers at be and they added something or other so that it's now 512 of something or other. Then I defragged. Things seem speedier now and that makes me happy. Also, yesterday I think I was in withdrawl because not only had I not had time to work out the day before (due to meetings and the final and celebrathing SPD afterwards) and I had ate crappy that day. Som after I worked off some of that hostility last night, I felt much better. Went home and sunk into the couch. Took a bath and used some of the B&BW stuff I bought the other day. Slept in til 8:30 this morning. My alarm was set...not sure why it didn't go off. Maybe it was the Sleep God throwing me a bone. I like Fridays at work. Generally, they're a little less hectic. Although, I think that's going to change once all the new tasks for this project are finally dumped on my plate.
This weekend I have to help Judy move to Renton. It's so odd...soon all of us will be living on our own. Of course, I have been for over a year, but for the past year, Keely and Judy lived together and before that Keely and I lived together and Judy lived at home. Come July, we'll all have our own apartments, scattered between Bellevue, Renton, and Seattle. For the most part, I love living on my own, although sometimes it'd be nice to have someone there to talk to. At work I'm kinda alone all day and so sometimes I just want to talk! :)
I have so much housework to do this weekend...ugh.
There's nothing I hate more at work than a sluggish computer. Actually, not just at work, but at least when other people have slow computers (Keely!) I don't have to deal with it regularly. But at work it's in my face and one of the things that I pride myself in, my ability to work efficiently and expediently, is diminished and I don't like that one bit. I have swore at my computer today. I have had to walk away from my computer because I was ready to scream. Finally I sent email to my pm and ER rep (because I never know who I am supposed to talk to about what problems). They pointed me to IT. And, much more quickly than I ever thought would happen, an IT person came and made a suggestion, which of course can't happen til later. In the meantime, I am fairly cranky right now. Grr.
Well, ASL 102 is officially over. I took the last final last night. I think I did pretty well, actually. Some of my classmates were trying to convince me to take 103 with them, but I stood firm, even if I felt a little guilty about it. And especially since I did so well on the exam, I had second thoughts. But, I am resolved now. I don't want to sit in class during nice weather, and especially on my birthday.
Went to Desert Fire with Keely and Judy last night, which is odd because we went out to a Tex-Mex restaurant for St. Patrick's Day. :) They'd never been there, and I have fond memories of the place, so that's what we chose. Ate way too much and I didn't even finish all they gave us. Stupid appetizer and free breadsticks with the yummy cream cheese sauce. Too hard to resist.
I have ASL work to do...but I don't want to do it. Now, this is closer to what I was like in college the first time. Wait til the last minute, pull something together from nothing and still manage to get a good grade. Well, the last part remains to be seen as of yet. I just returned from a walk. I thought it would invigorate me and therefore motivate me. It's a nice night out and I just wanted to keep walking but there was nowhere to go. One can only walk 45th to Stone so many times before it's boring. I could walk the other way to the University District, I suppose. But I hate crossing the freeway.
The party last night was fun, even if I felt weird being there. The only people that I knew were from work and even they weren't the people I work with very closely. But I had a drink, a few snacks, some small talk. There was a guy (from somewhere in my group although I don't recognize him and didn't catch his name) that reminded me of an old friend. It was remarkable, actually. He was the same stature, build, wore the same kind of clothes and glasses...even had a similar way of talking and sarcastic humor. I hope he didn't think I was a gawker as it took me awhile to figure out who I was reminded of.
Tomorrow is the Ides of March.
Keely and I rented the movie Thirteen tonight. It was pretty good. It's scarey to think of 13 year olds engaging in behavior...and it's based on a true story, too...I guess I will just have to lock my kids in a basement when they get that age.
Went to the evil store Bath and Bodyworks today and bought some new lotion. Well, it's a scent I've worn before, but brand new bottles. Was tired of the wintery scent I've been wearing lately.
Also bought way too many boxes of Girl Scout cookies this weekend. However, I'm freezing them so I can't eat them all at once. That would defeat all my progress. When I think of all the cooj\kies I sold back in the day...let's just say I will be buying cookies for a very long time.
I slept in today. Only about an hour and a half longer, but it was nice. Maybe I'll be able to stay awake later tonight.
I feel distracted today. Even though the broken link tool ran last night and I have a whole new batch of broken links to investigate, and this usually invigorates me, I just don't want to do it. Part of it is that I've been so focused on it all week that I am kinda of burned out on them, but also because a lot of the ones showing up in one section are actually false positives and that really annoys me. Maybe it's the weater-cloudy again. Traffic was good getting here, though. Had to park in the upper lot because it seems as though the powers at be are now monitoring the cars parked in the visitor's spots. I had a ticket-like slip of pink paper on my windshield last night telling me that maybe next time I would get towed. Sigh. I shouldn't hate parking in that upper lot...but I do. And I know that it's unreasonable to expect VMC just to provide more parking closer to the building. But I just hate it that even when I get here at 7:30, there's no parking. Guess that's just me being cranky.
Tim and I went to the Rusty Pelican on 45th Street last night for dinner. It's a pretty nice restaurant. Casual. Not expensive. Pretty good food. I thought I was so hungry and then I hardly ate anything, as Tim pointed out. I think it was a case of I was so hungry that when I got the food I wasn't really hungry anymore. That and the guilt of eating fried food. :)
Well, back to the grindstone...man, I am just not in the mood...
I have a love/hate relationship with yoga. Mostly, I like it. I don't really enjoy sun salutations, but with the right teacher, it's not so bad. I really don't like balancing poses. For some reason, I am just about the tipsiest person ever when it comes to standing on one foot. I don't get it. I really like stretching poses...well, some of them at least. It's interesting to find out what parts of me are flexible, and what parts just aren't. For instance, I can do pidgeon pose (a hip opener) easy as pie. I can rest my upper body completely on the floor even. But, my hamstrings really aren't that flexible, dammit. I hate that. I stretch all the freaking time. Oh, and I can't get my arms up very high when they're clasped behind my back and I bend over and force them upward. It's quite pathetic, actually. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that.
I know you will find this all oh-so-interesting.
Lately, I've felt like my car has become my second home. Not necessarily because of the amount of time I spend in it commuting to and fro, but because of the amount of stuff I tote around with me. I have a lot of bags of stuff: my gym bag, my lunch bag, my school bag. Sometimes, my laptop bag. Sometimes my little make-up bag with all my contacts stuff in it. And then there are times when I pack extra clothes for some odd reason. It's like my car has become my second home because so much of what I do is on the Eastside, yet I live in Seattle. I love living in Seattle. But my Eastside life cannot be helped. It's not like it's a burden...it's just a good reason for me to offer why my car is such a mess all the time. Of course, that doesn't explain exactly why my Scrabble game is in the car...
I got this amusing, at least I thought so, piece of mail from my bank yesterday. It was a certificate qualifying me for a $250,000 home equity loan. From what I understand of reading it, it's not a pre-qualification for a loan to buy a house necessarily, but a loan to fix my house up or pay off my car or whatever I want to do with it. But...I...don't...own...a...house/condo. So I am confused. Maybe I misunderstood it. I'm not sure what that amount of money could get me anyway...it could probably get me a nice condo, but a crappy house, depending on the area. I want a nice house. For now, I settle for living in the bottom half of a nice house. :) If you'd lived the majority of your life in a mobile home, you'd understand my desire to live in a house. :)
I am still waffling about ASL 103...something tells me that the final would be on my birthday and that is just unacceptable. There isn't a schedule up for next quarter...so I need to investigate. It's a definite deal breaker if that is the case.
Lately, I've been feeling quite energetic. I think it's the changing to the Spring season. Maybe the working out. I feel good.
But I don't really have anything to say here. Not much going on out of the ordinary. Gotta decide here right quick if I am going to take ASL 103...if we get the test that we took Monday night back and I did well, then I will probably do it. Hell, I'll probably do it. I'm afraid that if I don't, I will lapse back into the whining, "I'm bored!" version of me that I despise. Class gives me a focus and a focus that's not about me. Even if I tried, and was successful, to spend the same amount of time on writing as I would in class, writing is still about me because too often I write about things that are about me: experiences, things I want, etc. It leaves me too much time to dwell on me, and that's just unacceptable. I have enough of that time during the commute. :) So, even though I wish class met on different nights, I will probably take it. Why not? It's only a quarter and then I can worry about all this again! :)
The sun is out today and that makes me happy. I should go out there and sit...
Yesterday I wore a long sleeved black shirt (albeit it was thin) and it turned out to be one of the nicest days we've had so far. Since I wake up so freaking early these days and the weather changes from that point to the point I see daylight again, I decided to dress Springy. That was a mistake. It appears as though it's going to rain all the live long day. And I look so cute, too. Not that I can't look cute on non-nice days...but still. Rainy days like these are for bundling up in really warm, thick sweaters and cuddling. Not for pretty skirts and sandal-like shoes.
I have a gazillion half filled notebooks stacked up in my closet. I love buying notebooks. But then, when they get about half filled with nonsense: starts of stories, revisions, letters, notes, etc, I grow weary of them and go buy another one. I've grown out of that now, or at least have it under control, although when the new school supplies come out every year, I have a more difficult time resisting...Anyway, that is just the setup to this very early morning entry. I was looking for some paper to write down stuff for ASL on, in order to study, so I grabbed one of these old notebooks. I always thumb through them, amused and bemused by the contents. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised. Anyway, I found this little entry; I think I remember when I wrote it (Fremont two years ago), although I don't think it was factual, just yet another one of my many random thoughts that I thought may grow into something but did not.
I might've been successful in my plan to ignore Easter, had I not stepped in the carnage of a half eaten Cadbury, caramel filled egg. The caramel version is worse than stepping in the original creme. I shuffled my feet hard against the pebbled sidewalk, knowing that from now on there'd always be a ghost stick to my tread-a sound to my steps. A nanosecond of hesitant resistance between the ground and the effort to move forward.
I don't know why this little passage amused me, but it did. I smiled and ripped it out. Instead of wadding it up and tossing it in the vicinity of the garbage can, as I usually do when I find these diatribes, here I am sharing it with you. I didn't even edit or expound. I can tell that I was going somewhere with this because even now I feel like I must go somewhere with it. Maybe I will sleep on it and come up with something. Or maybe not. It doesn't really matter.
I am up too late.
I've discovered that there are two problems with getting up earlier and going to bed earlier during the week. Friday night rolls around, and my body still thinks it's a "weeknight." Last night, I skipped Jillians, and went to bed around 10:30! How lame! How almost-thirty-years-old of me! Then this morning, I was awake by 9 am, having been in the process of waking up since 7. (Yes, it takes me awhile sometimes.) That's just wrong. That is not normal weekend behavior. Got up, watched some tv, but by 9:30 I was wishing it was 1pm, like past weekends when I slept til noon. I suppose that I will just have to figure out ways to be constructive with this new time. But I don't know...it just feels so wrong!
I lied. There's no hockey tomorrow; it's next Saturday. Good. Now I will sleep in for once. I should appreciate it more now since I wake up so freaking early.
If I don't have the button at this precise spot on the alarm clock, then it refuses to go off. So, I didn't get up at 6:30, but at 7:00. Somehow my body woke up, which is pretty cool. Trained already, after only a week? I was a little irritated with myself, but oh well. Still made it to work by 8 am.
Tonight is Deaf night at Jillians. Maybe tonight I will be swayed to take ASL 103 afterall. I hope I don't get cornered by the man I was tutoring. Maybe if I go late enough, he won't be there. I don't mind him being there, I just don't want him only talking with me (and I mean talking, not signing) and therefor I only get to sign with him, which amounts to me fingerspelling every other word, repeatedly, like four times. Sigh. That's kinda mean.
Tomorrow going to my manager's hockey game and meeting my team for breakfast beforehand, in Queen Anne somewhere. Haven't been to a hockey game since Suganthi and I went last year. I just know there aren't going to be as many fights on this lady's team as there was on the professional team! Isn't that kinda the point of hockey? :)
Kinda sore today. Did yoga in the early afternoon and then worked out after work. Maybe that was too much.
I woke up to the alarm clock at 6:30 this morning. Wow. Haven't been up that early since...well, if you count being in Wisconsin but feeling like I'm still on Washington time, then Christmas, but if you don't then I can't recall. I decided to experiment with the traffic today. My theory was that if I got up and out the door an hour earlier than I have been the rest of the week, then traffic would be similar to the trends of when I wait til an hour after I've been (back at my normal time). And, my theory was correct. I pulled onto the street at 6:55 and pulled into the VMC parking space at 7:25. Not bad. Well, kinda bad. It means I have to wake up earlier. But I have another theory. That I will get more accomplished starting my day out sooner. We'll see how that holds up. I supposed I should stop blogging and get to work then, huh?
As I sat here diligently working, the familiar aroma came to me. It smelled like a church basement in the winter, holding a craft fair, serving bbq beef. It's an odd memory, I'm sure you think, but if you've ever been to such a place, you'd understand. We have a lot of craft fairs in the rural midwest. You become accustomed to it.
So, so far this week I have been successful with going to bed at a decent hour, therefo waking up (although it's to the alarm clock still) at a decent time so that I can go sit in traffic for an hour. I like getting to work earlier; I just wish that I could skip that traffic that I miss if I don't go in until 10. I've noticed, though, that the day seems a lot longer when you wake up so early. Even if I work the same number of hours. Is that just a transitional kind of feeling that will eventually dissipate, or can I look forward to that forever?
I'm disappointed that I only got an 88 on the receptive translation portion of my ASL midterm. I know I didn't study as much as I generally do...but an 88?? What the heck? I've pretty much decided not to take ASL 103 this coming quarter...not because of the test, of course. I feel like maybe I need the break since I am not enjoying going as much as I once did. I will miss the people in my class now, once I do go back. But I would rather wait and go back when I my past excitement for it is renewed than keep going and not really learn like I ought to be. I have time to change my mind, but I don't think I'm going to. I think I'll take the time to work on the novel again and do some other things. I don't know what exactly...
Today was the first day that I woke up and made it to work before 10 am in quite some time. I made a resolution this weekend to start getting up earlier. It's dumb to sleep so late during the week. I also decided not to drink any soda...then I backtracked and said diet soda was okay, but since I don't really like diet soda, it's essentially the same thing. :)
I found an old cd I made several years ago, titled "Workout CD." I listened to it while, surprise surprise, I worked out this weekend. lol It was fun to listen to and apparantly has some songs on it that I have on no other of my multitudes of cds. It made for a much more pleasant elliptical trainer experience.