Out of a Funk

All the stuff just started piling up. And all the "stuff" was insignificant really. If anyone had come to me with these circumstances I would have told him/her, "Get over it." And I tried to tell myself that, but it just didn't work. Between one friend just being a dork and making poor choices in her life to a poorly worded e-mail from a work manager that made it sound like she was reprimanding me for something she told me to do, I just felt so...cranky. Enhance that with the fact I've ate like crap this week and drank way too much soda and not worked out at all, and you have a series of unfortunate events. But today, I feel better. Maybe it's the sun shining. Maybe it's the gin and tonic I had at a going away party yesterday. I'm still irritated with the friend and with the manager, but oh well. I always get over these things.



I participated in some retail therapy last night because I needed to avoid traffic and hadn't brought my workout gear. So I went to Target and bought a t-shirt and cd. And some kitty litter, but that was more utilitarian than therapy really. :) Also, a nice relaxing bath (which I've been taking nearly every night now) and biting off all my fingernails helped immensely. :)



It hailed yesterday. There was thunder and lightning! It's rare around here for that. I was a little worried about hail damage to my new car...but apparently it's okay.



I'm reading The Eyre Affiar right now...strange but interesting. It takes place in about 1985, but it's futuristic. Or maybe it's better to say it's just an alternate reality. The boundary between literature and reality is blurred; people and characters can go back and forth between fairly easily. Interesting stuff...



I am taking the project management class that my work offers. We're on the scheduling section right now. It's interesting stuff, probably/hopefully career helping. I think what I should do is implement PM skills into my writing. Maybe I'll get this novel finished that way!

Nikki on 03.30.05 @ 11:06 AM PST [link]

Reading

To read at the Writergrrl open mic night this Friday or not to read. That is the question.

Nikki on 03.28.05 @ 03:35 PM PST [link]

Dummdeedumm

Okay, I know it's been a couple weeks. I just find it hard to blog when nothing especially intersting is going on. My house is a disaster; do you want to hear about that? Or how about the fact that my ponytail is still sitting in the bathroom? (I need to mail that!)



I didn't think so.



My book review blurb for The Breakdown Lane now appears on the HarperCollins site. It's not like it's on the homepage; it's kind of buried. But it's a nice feeling. I miss having things published. I submitted a few poems to a local zine but was rejected. I never get too exasperated or disappointed about rejection slips.



I tried on my summer clothes this weekend and basically threw everything into the Goodwill or Judy pile. I have one pair of shorts and "the overalls" left. I see retail therapy in my future. I thought that I had gotten rid of the jeans I wore right before I lost weight, but I still had one pair. I tried them on and wow! That was amazing to see. I know in my mind that I have lost weight. I see the scale, etc. But my perception of myself is still of looking like I did before. But when I tried on the pants, it kind of helped me accept that there's a lot of me gone. It's not like it solved my big battle with negative body image. But I think it helped. It made me feel good, at the very least. :)



It's another gloomy day today. Sigh....



Nikki on 03.28.05 @ 01:54 PM PST [link]

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Here's my feeble attempt to be Irish...well, I am actually a wee bit Irish. But I am mostly German.
















Nikki on 03.17.05 @ 06:19 PM PST [link]

Mika's Antics

I've wondered what Mika does all day while I am gone. It seems that she surfs the Web. And since she's discovered that other cats blog on Catster, she's now insisted that she be given the resources to do so herself. As if I don't have anything better to do than this.

Owner-grrl has been good about leaving the shades open during the day so I can see out. I guess I taught her a lesson by tapping on the shades all night. I didn't really want them opened then, but I wanted her to imagine that this is what I do all day. I knew the guilt would get to her. It's unfortunate that she put those curtains up in the bedroom because it's hard to get to that window now. Sure, she opens them up, but I need the entire landing pad, not just a section. I don't know why she got them...we've lived here almost all my life and seemed to get along just fine without them.



I have the feeling that soon my house will be invaded. Owner-grrl is cleaning and it's not the weekend, so that means someone is coming over. It's not the right time of the week for Tall Dark Haired Man to be here. It must be those people Owner-grrl calls, "The Girls." Great. They'll demand that I allow them to touch me (which of course I won't) but worse! They'll sit on the bottom part of my thrown so that I cannot reach the top. I will have to, gasp, sit on the floor! No doubt they will remark about my girth. They're all sensitive about their weight, why do they think I would be any different?



Owner-grrl has changed my feeding routine and I don't care for it. She adds about 6 bites of food to the dish in the morning and about the same amount at night. How am I supposed to subsist on this? I do have to say, though, that the new water contraption is wonderful. She was horrible about fresh water. And she wondered why I drank out of the shower! But she is trainable, at least. When I speak a lot, and she must have a hearing problem because she constantly asks me to repeat myself despite the fact I have perfect diction and enunciate clearly, she rises and checks my dish. If it's empty, and I always make sure it is before I ask (duh!), she adds a little more. My plan is to increase this behavior until I get her filling it up five to six times a day.

Nikki on 03.10.05 @ 03:29 PM PST [link]

Rethinking

There's a piece of advice that most writers pass along to other writers. I've read it in books and in articles, I've even passed it around myself. That piece of advice is this: Don't share your writing that's in progress. I used to adhere to this strictly. Not just because other people said it's a good idea, but because I tend to be a pretty private person in general, about important things, and my writing is one of the most important things to me. Until/if I ever have a child of my own, the closest thing I have to that is my writing. Maybe that sounds weird to you who have kids or aren't writers. But that's the way it is for me. And the way that I figure that it's a fairly close approximation is this, when someone criticizes something of mine, I tend to get a little defensive, a little attacked. I mean, here I have this thing I am trying to raise, and there are reasons I do what I do, and someone comes along and says, "Well I just don't like it." and because I tend to be an overly sensitive being to begin with, things start to crumble a little.



I'm not the only writer to describe it like this.



All this explaining is not to say that no one can discuss their opinion. It's mostly my fault in the first place for breaking the number one rule. I know exactly how I am.



And you know why I've been sharing bits of my novel on this Web site? Because I crave the attention. Oh yes, I am an attention mongre. I like people saying, "You're a great writer!" even when I know that I am not. But really, who doesn't enjoy hearing nice things said about themselves?



I have this friend who, when this friend has a problem, first goes to one friend to explain it and seek advice/opinion. If what is offered doesn't match what this person was seeking or isn't in agreement with what this person wanted confirmed, then he/she moves on to another person, on and on until either what they wanted is finally given or until there's no one left to go to. It drives me insane. And here I have done the same thing today. I wrote something and went to several people for opinion and when it didn't match what I thought I had done, I just kept going. What the hell? And now I just feel crappy.



So maybe I just shouldn't offer stuff to the world to read, especially something that was written yesterday. The possibility of someone complimenting me doesn't "pay for the thud," as Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables said.



Nikki on 03.04.05 @ 03:34 PM PST [link]

Exercise Boycott

Just for today. I figure that I can cheat a little. Here's what I've done for working out this week already (and tomorrow I will do step with Favorite Teacher):

• Sunday: 30 minutes on elliptical, 30 minutes on bike


• Monday: 30 minute abs class, 60 minute step class


• Tuesday: 60 minute yoga class, 60 minute cardio salsa class


• Wednesday: 30 minutes abs class, 45 minute spinning class

I had planned just to go to yoga today and forgo any cardio because I don't have time tonight, what with knitting group. But then I decided I am still sore, so why not take a break. I tend to do better (and better means, of course, a drop in weight), when I let myself rest a little. Then I will be ready for step tomorrow night. Woohoo. I used to think that teacher was evil. Oh how fickle I am.



Finished my book last night. It was pretty good. The ending, I believe, was a little rushed and kind of open ended, but that's not so bad. I still gave it four stars. I have officially read now as many books this year as I did all of last year. :) So now I don't know what to read. Maybe I will borrow that sequel from Tim. That's a nice, quick read. If only the books on hold at the library would come in. Geez. I'm not even all the close to the top of the list. Sigh. I could just go buy one, maybe at Half Price Books.



I've noticed a couple times, not every night, after I workout, as I'm driving home that I am kinda nautious. Not a lot. Not enough that I begin thinking of where to pull over so I don't upchuck in my new, very-clean-especially-for-Nikki car. Just enough so that I know it's there. I think it may be a low blood sugar problem as once I am home and eat something, it subsides. It's annoying.





Nikki on 03.03.05 @ 01:00 PM PST [link]

Armedeggon

I talked to my uncle on the phone yesterday. I can't even remember the last time I talked to him on the phone. I called Mom on the way to yoga and he and Jeanne and Taylor were there so she put me on the phone with him. He told me (this is where the Armegeddon comes in to play) that Grandpa just bought a new truck. What??? My grandpa, who was a used car salesman for many years, who warned me never to buy a new car because they "depreciate" as soon as you drive off the lot, bought a new truck?? Surely this means that the end of the world is near. I asked my uncle why he bought a new car and I guess the transmission on his other truck kept dying because he drives 100 mph at all times. Well, according to Uncle Jerry at least. So now I won't keep my new car purchase a secret from him. What can he say now??



It's been nice weather lately. Things are in bloom. It's strange. Eery.



I got to do step aerobics on Monday night! YAY! The Evil Teacher® injured her knee so we had a sub, who was tough but good. I have one word for fitness teachers. Can you use something besides lunges and squats to train the lower body for God sakes?? I know they're effective, but there must be something else. I am sick of doing them. Now, tonight maybe that sub will be back...but also there's the spinning class to consider. I don't want my butt to get too used to not doing spinning (last night I opted for the cardio salsa class) but I really do enjoy step so much more. And it's longer. And there's a, albeit brief, strength training portion. So. It will depend on who is there to teach, for one thing. Decisions, decisions. I am kinda sore from doing both yoga and cardio salsa yesterday...But tomorrow there is no cardio because I am going to knitting. Just yoga.



Don't you just love reading about my fitness travails?



I am almost finished with Microserfs. That will be Book 1 for March. I don't know if it should count for March since I read the bulk of it in February. But I read four books last month besides.



My nails are long again. I keep scratching myself. And others.



Last night I had Indian Butter Chicken. Yum!!!

Nikki on 03.02.05 @ 03:07 PM PST [link]