Thanksgiving Dream

I've always had this joke with my mom that I was going to eat a turkey drumstick like a caveman. However, I've never done it. So this year, I've saved the drumstick special. Melissa took this picture of me in the kitchen.





Nikki on 11.27.04 @ 07:40 PM PST [link]

Selfish Blather

When I moved to Seattle, I had one friend, who was my roommate for 1.5 years. Many of the friends that I had I inherited from her, including our other roommate. The three of us lived together until, well, until we didn't anymore. They ran off to be roommates together, all the while promising that we would still be friends, and I became roommates with Keely. At the time, I knew that the friendship with the other two wouldn't last; I've known this girl since the third grade. I know how she is, or at least was up until that point. However, she dropped me like a, excuse me for the cliche, hot potato. I admit, I didn't help the situation. I am certainly culpable in the demise. But I never expected that we would live in the same area and never speak. But that's how it was. She didn't answer e-mail messages even. So I gave up. And it was the best thing I did, really.



See, when the three of us lived together, all I did was hang out with them. We had a routine. On Friday nights we went out to eat and went to a movie. We rented a lot of movies. We stayed in and played games like Phase 10. We had good times, don't misunderstand me. We talked a lot. And one thing that came up continually was the theme of "How/Where Can We Meet Guys?" We never fully solved the problem. Anyway, so they moved out, dropped me, and all of a sudden, I was back to one friend, Keely, my roommate, and really a girl I didn't know all that well at the time. To make this part of the story short, I started to think of ways to have a life, so that the mistake of only hanging out with my roommate and acquiring her friends didn't happen again. (As it is, many of my friends I inherited from her in one way or another.) I went out and wrote a lot. And I went back to something I had done before, dating via the Yahoo personals. And I met someone.



So, on the days when I think about this former friend and roommate and I still get angry that she could so easily drop me from her radar, I think about all the great things that have happened to me that probably wouldn't have had she stuck around. Because nearly everything that is good in my life now I can track back to her disappearance. And that calms me down a little bit. I still get perturbed when I think about the time I sent her a condolence card when her grandmother died and she didn't acknowledge me and about the time my work called her because she was still listed as my emergency contact, after I had the first seizure and she didn't do anything except say that she wasn't my contact anymore. But mostly I don't think about her at all. And that, I think, is the best revenge.



Well, that's what I thought at least. Recently, I found out that in the last few years she's suffered from several strokes. That's pretty shocking; she's young (30, like me) and fairly healthy. I guess she had bought a condo or house or something around here. Now, because of the strokes, and her incapacitation, she is unable to work, so she's moving back to WI. I feel badly for her. I empathize with how it feels to have your brain go wonky on you for no good reason. However, there is this part of me...and I know it's selfish and mean and infantile...that feels victorious. No longer do I have to wonder if I am going to run into her somewhere. I don't have to think about how will/should I react if and when I see her? Should I act as though nothing happened? That'd be a lie. Should I express my irritation, aka be bitchy? Should I just ignore her? I feel like I've won Seattle now. It's my territory. I think that she always thought that without her, I wouldn't make it there, because here I was, first time on my own while she'd been on her own, off and on, since she was 18. But here I've done it without her. I have a nice life and I am happy.



And I know that just sounds ridiculous. But in my defense, I did title this entry "Selfish Blather." :)

Nikki on 11.24.04 @ 12:30 PM PST [link]

Things I Would Do if I Wasn't Addicted to Roseanne Reruns

In keeping with Tim's theme on his blog, here is a list of things I would do if I wasn't such a bum watching tv that I've already seen. Twice. Maybe three times.

• Reorganize my cupboards.


• Move furniture. I've been in the mood lately that I need to move. Something. Around. But I can't think of any new way to do it that coordinates with some of the constraints I have, such as only one power outlet in my bedroom.


• Finish my novel


• Sweep down the myriad of cobwebs accumulated in the various corners of the house.


• Take that giant pile of stuff to Goodwill


• Update Seattle Live Literature


• Update the back pages of this site. Most of the pages I coded when I first learned and the code is revolting


• Knit something. And not tear it out.


• Read a book. I am so far from my two book a month quota this year that I think UWL may come back and revoke my English degree.


• Watch my Netflix movies at a faster pace


• Give myself a pedicure and paint my finger and toe nails


• Organize all my computer files


• Figure out how to get rid of all those freaking popups infesting my computer right now

That's all I can think of right now, but I am sure there are far more productive endeavors that I can participate in.

Nikki on 11.18.04 @ 12:24 PM PST [link]

Confiscated Film

So as most of you know, I have confiscated all of Keely's undeveloped rolls of film. She is abysmal at getting things developed, at least she has been in the past, and there were some pictures she had that I wanted, so...So anyway. Here is one that I wanted. The boy is someone from my preschool class at Early World Children's School. When I left, Keely took over the class. This picture was taken four years ago. Notice how I am practically holding him down. He had those cookies and had better things to do than pose with his old teacher, Miss Nikki (or was it Miss Nicole? I can't remember which name I used there.) I like this picture. Very few pictures of me do I find at all flattering. Notice how dang white I am. Geez. I looked for a spray tan feature in the photo editing program I used, but there was none... :)






Nikki on 11.17.04 @ 11:52 AM PST [link]

Sore

My hands are so sore from corcheting like a mad woman and also from knitting. I've actually caught on to knitting; I can now purl, and I figured that out myself, thank you very much. However, something keeps happening where I add a stitch to the line every once in awhile and I can't figure out how that is happening. So, my edges are horrible. Looks a lot like the afghan I made Keely, my first attempt at a full size crocheted blanket. But, I have improves a lot since then, so I must hope that my knitting ability will improve, too. This is just what I needed, another craft, another thing to keep me away from writing. But oh well. Can't be boring.



Not only are my hands sore, but my back is, too, from poor posture while crocheting and knitting. I am not at the level where I can always have my eyes up, not even while I crochet, so, my neck is bent looking down a lot. I think that's why my back hurts. Even if that's not the reason, it still hurts. I need a massage.



Trying to clean the house. Got the kitchen done and I even baked some banana bread. Yay me. I tried a slice of it and it's not bad. I made it in the little loaf pans so it would bake more quickly. Now the house smells yummy.



I feel like I have been inside all day...oh that's right, I have been pretty much. :)

Nikki on 11.13.04 @ 10:47 PM PST [link]

General Craziness

Last night I went to the knitting and crocheting group. It was a lot of fun. There were around 10 women who showed up. Most people were in and out, not there the entire three hours, but a few of us were there the entire time. They taught me to knit! Granted, I am still very bad at it and slow. Both of these things are driving my crazy. I know that I will get the hang of it but I hate that beginning part, when things are awkward. In the case of knitting, the loops keep falling off the needle and I have to start over again. There it most likely a way to prevent the slippage and a way to recover without starting anew, but I haven't figured it out yet, so...Anyway. I'm getting a lot of practice casting on.

Nikki on 11.12.04 @ 03:37 PM PST [link]

Writing and Stuff

So between yesterday and late the night before, I wrote 14 pages on the novel. That's over 4000 words! I haven't written that much in a couple chunks of time in ages! I'd forgotten what that feels like, afterwards. It's a mixture of things: feeling high, feeling exhausted, nervous. Mostly it's a good feeling and I am trying not to think of all the work there will be to do once this thing is complete! On a positive, inspiring note, a local woman I know (only through her blog) just sold her novel to Random House. I feel there may be hope for me yet.



So this is my plan for Thanksgiving. Well, let me back up. For the past three Thanksgivings, I've tagged a long with Keely. It started the first year when my boyfriend at the time broke up with me the night before Thanksgiving. Oh yes, I had everything bought and ready to start cooking for him the next day. Keely had a friend in town and they had plans to go to some other friends' house for turkey day. She convinced me to accompany them, which was fine. But then she made me go someplace else for dessert, although by that time I was tired of pretending to be happy and wanted to return to my bed and wallow. :) Anyway, the next year, we went someplace else (more friends from her church). And then the four of us girls went to Nanaimo. Last year, just Keely and I went to Nanaimo. It's kinda weird being in a foreign country for Thanksgiving. The people we stayed with had a turkey dinner and everything for us, so it was nice. But this year, Keely is not here. So, I have nothing to do. So here is my plan. I am going to cook a turkey anyway, because I LOVE turkey. I could wager that we'll have it at Christmas, too, but I have to make sure that I get it. So I am going to try and find the smallest turkey I can and cook it. Then, I am going to put the whole thing on a plate-yes, the whole thing-carry it into the living room, and eat directly from the plate with a fork. Maybe I won't eat it all in one sitting. But. That is my plan.



So I have learned this week, what it really felt like before I stopped eating and drinking soda without any kind of self sensor. I feel gross this week. I haven't worked out. I eat crazy things. I am exhausted. I actually can't wait to start eating healthy again. I know, I could start this minute. But I am one of those weirdos that can't start new things in the middle of something. I know.



Tonight is my crochet/knitting group. I didn't get to go last time, so I am excited. I am really hoping someone can teach me something other than the one stitch I know. And I would love to learn how to knit, too. Watch out everyone- maybe you'll get a knit scarve for Christmas! And if they could teach me how to crochet something other than blankets...I would be forever in their debt!

Nikki on 11.11.04 @ 11:13 AM PST [link]

The Pill Controversy

I know you're all thinking, What? Three posts in one day? Well, this is important.



I just read on Yahoo! about how pharmacists have the "right" and many have been exercising this "right" lately to deny women of the Pill if it conflicts with any moral ideas they have about birth control. What the f#%(? Seriously, read the article.



Let me begin with, I don't take the Pill. I can't take it, in fact, because of some other medication that I take. I have never taken the Pill. However, I am still pretty angry about this.



First of all, not every woman who takes the Pill is doing so to prevent pregnancy because she is sleeping around outside of marriage. I know plenty of women, Christian and not, who take the Pill to better manage their mentrual cycle. They either have bad PMS symptoms like cramps, or nasty periods themselves. (Sorry if this is too graphic for my more gentle readers.) The Pill has been known to be an effective method to control and normalize menstrual cycles that otherwise are excruciating and basically immobilizing. Imagine being incompacitated for up to two weeks a month. Makes life a little difficult.



Secondly, I know plenty of married women, Christian and not, who take the Pill. Their sex is completely "legal." Some women don't want to have children or more than a certain amount of kids, or whatever. Perhaps they don't like the other forms of profilactics. So why stop them from taking the Pill?



And please be aware that I am talking strictly about the Pill. This is also being done regarding the Morning After Pill (which is essentially just a strong dosage of the Pill). What about women who have been sexually assaulted? Or what if another form of birth control failed? Should women be denied this opportunity to prevent an unwanted pregnancy??



I don't want to start a huge debate about when life begins and abortion, etc. That arguement is never going to be settled. This is not outrage about that particular debate.



What I see as potentially happening as this: I go into Bartells one month to pick up my prescription. My innocent medication that I've been taking for years. Instead of being handed the bottle like usual, I am denied and told one of two things. Either I am being denied because the pharmacist believes that I should instead go home and pray that I am healed by God (Which believe me, I believe in healing. I am a Christian.) or I am told that I must be involved in some kind of deep sin and that's why I am afflicted with having seizures and that I need to go home and repent and be healed. You may think, Well, that's pretty far fetched, but until I read that article today, I wouldn't have ever guess that women were being denying something like the Pill.



I am not all that political. I vote. I have my beliefs. But I have never envisioned myself standing somewhere with a placard and shouting at people. But this makes me want to do something. I don't know what. Just something. I also don't get angry about things often. Annoyed, yes. Irritated, yes. But not angry.



This is just so unbelievable. It's not rocket science, people. It's basic human rights.

Nikki on 11.09.04 @ 02:08 PM PST [link]

Taking a Break

So this week I am taking a break from hard core working out. I have a theory that maybe I am simply working out too much. Here is a typical schedule for me (close to what last week's was):

• Sunday: worked out for 1.25 hours


• Monday: half hour core conditioning class, workout for about an hour, hip hop dance class


• Tuesday: off


• Wednesday: half hour core conditioning class, work out for 1.25 hours


• Thursday: work out for an hour, one hour cardio playground class (which is basically strength training)


• Friday: workout for about an hour, hour long strippercize class


• Saturday: off

I am a little tired of working out so much. So, this week I am taking a break. I went to dance class last night and so far that's it. Can't work out tonight because I have a zine meeting. Maybe will work out tomorrow night. Can't on Thursday because I am going to a crochet/knitting group. And on Friday I might just go to strippercize because it meets at 6 pm and I have to scurry early to get across the bridge in time. So. We'll see if this break helps or hinders.

Nikki on 11.09.04 @ 01:00 PM PST [link]

Netflix Movies

Well so far, I haven't faired all that well with the Netflix movies. Granted, I've only watched three so far and none of them were horrible really, but I was glad that I didn't pay theatre prices for: The Prince and Me, Under the Tuscan Sun, and Laws of Attraction. I am hoping that Thirteen Going on 30 is better. I wanted to see that when it came out. It's fun getting movies sent to the house. And I have a new objective while I watch movies, at least when I am home alone watching, which is to be multitasking. So far, I've been able to crochet. I've got one blanket 3/4 finished. One more skein should do it.



Last night was my last hip hop dance class. I am pretty sure that I am no better now than I was a month ago when I started, but it was still fun. Hopefully I will improve more with the strippercize class.



Yesterday I wrote a little bit and I think, no I know, that it was the first time this month that I made the at least 1,000 words in a day NaNoWriMo requirement. At first I felt a little badly that I've faired so badly with this attempt, but then I remembered that I was breaking the rules from the very beginning anyway by working on a piece already in progress instead of a new piece. So, when you start wrong, wrongness that erupts along the way just doesn't matter. Right? :)

Nikki on 11.09.04 @ 12:05 PM PST [link]

Strippercize

Friday night's class was fun. I felt about as unsexy as possible, but I wasn't the only one, so it was fine. Hopefully I'll get better at it!



Yesterday I met up with some people that are interested in learning more ASL. Since it's been awhile since I have really done anything with ASL, I thought it would be fun. Plus, it's a good way to get out and meet new people. My circle of friends is way too small. Anyway, we met up in Fremont for a couple hours. Two of the women don't even know the signed alphabet. One other woman knows the alphabet and few other basic signs. Another woman grew up with Deaf parents who basically didn't want her to learn. She knows a lot of home sign. Then there's me. And fortunatley for me, so that the group isn't looking to me for leadership, a guy showed up who is in the 201 level at SCCC. Anyway, it should be fun.



I had all kinds of plans to do things last night, number one, clean my apartment. But then, at about 7 pm, I got bummed and instead just went to bed. I slept until about 11 am this morning. I haven't slept that long in a long time! Guess I needed it. It's been a stressful couple of days and I guess my brain just needed to be turned off for awhile.



So today, I am trying to get that cleaning done and keep my mind busy with other things. It was such a nice day out; I should have taken a walk or something, but I only walked up to the gas station for soda.

Nikki on 11.07.04 @ 06:29 PM PST [link]

Friday Stress

Yes, I am eating a donut right now. And it is delectable.



So earlier today I was talking with a co-worker (and someone whom I do work for sometimes) who also is my friend. This can be a dangerous mix. So far it has been fine. Even now it's fine. Here's the thing - a couple weeks ago she went out of town and asked me if I would take over answering customer feedback. I said yes. And it wasn't excruciating, but most of the feedback is negative and I had to tell most of them all the same generic thing, an answer that I wasn't even sure was true or not. Sometimes they asked questions that I didn't know the answer to, nor whom to ask. I hate that. So anyway, I did the best I could. At one point, I asked my friend's manager when my friend was coming back, because I couldn't remember the exact date. She told me and I replied, "Good! I will be glad to give this back to her." Flash forward to today when I was talking to my friend. She said that said manager, and I really do like this manager, told her, when my friend asked her if she could just dump the feedback answering on me, no because I had "flipped out" and she didn't want to burden me. What??? I DID NOT FLIP OUT!! I am flipping out now, but I wasn't then. Now, my friend thinks that the manager was really just trying to save me from the hideous fate that is answering customer feedback, not impugning my work habits. But to me, "she flipped out and we can't give her any more work" says, "Nicole is incompetent. Let her stick to things like fixing broken links." Do I want to answer customer feedback? No. But if people are going to think I am overburdened and flipping out all over the place, that reflects poorly on me and in my opinion threatens my job. I pride myself on being a really good worker. Maybe overpride. Anyway. I am a little pissed off. Pissed that I expressed any kind of discomfort, pissed that I agreed to do it in the first place when I didn't really want to, pissed that my discomfort was perceived as something much more substantial than it was at the time, and pissed that I am pissed. Sigh.



So that is why I am eating a donut right now. Plus, I was really good this week.



I cut my bangs this morning. They're too short. But oh well.



Not much going on this weekend. I have a ASL get together on Saturday afternoon. Can't imagine that will take more than an hour or so. It should be interesting. Tonight is my strippercize class.

Nikki on 11.05.04 @ 01:40 PM PST [link]

Disappointment

So it looks like idiot Bush is still the president. That sucks. The only comfort is that he HAS to leave in four years. Of course, who knows what kind of havoc he'll wreck in the meantime. It seems to me that Kerry conceeded a little too soon. A couple states still aren't finished counting their regular ballots and plenty of states have many provisional, absentee, and overseas to count. I applaud his desire not to drag it out in the courts. But still.



I haven't even checked the local elections. It just doesn't seem to matter at this point.



When I got home last night, at first Kerry was ahead and I was happy. And then I glued myself to the tv and grew more and more anxious as Idiot Boy won more and more states. But the commentator assured me that he hadn't won any states that were a surprise. So I tried to calm myself. Fortunately, I was distracted from watching the count by spending some time with a friend. I can't imagine what kind of wreck I might have been. Tim, I can't imagine what kind of wreck all of you at the party were. Did Erik swear a lot? :) Did you bring the taser gun?



But if you think about it, life hasn't really changed from yesterday to today, other than the supreme disappoinment, so I just continue on with my little life. Got up and went to work, albeit later than I prefer due to some new curtains that blocked out any light in my bedroom (don't ask). I am wearing a cute dress today, although it might be a little tighter than I should wear. And here I am at work blogging when I probably should be fixing some broken links. :)



I'm not doing too well with this NaNoWriMo thing. It's day three and I think I've written 100 words or so. Sigh.



Oh and on Friday, hold on to your seats, I am doing something funny. I am taking a strippercize class! lol Oh yes, I am. It's not like we're actually stripping in the class. It's only women and I heard from a classmate in the wine class that it's all ages and shapes and you just learn to move sensually, etc. It's technically an "exercize" class. That should be fun. I think that I am too stiff a person. I tend to have a fairly wide personal space bubble (Marie and Tina, remember Carrie's bubble that we used to joke about? :) ) and I think I need to loosen up a little. Don't worry- it's not like I am going to drape myself all over people! I just needed something new and different to do! :)

Nikki on 11.03.04 @ 02:07 PM PST [link]

Voting and Stuff

Today I voted for the first time in Washington. I didn't get to vote in 2000 because I didn't register in time and I missed the window of opportunity to do absentee voting for Wisconsin. It didn't really matter anyway because Gore won Washington and that's whom I would have voted for. But still. So this morning I shlepped off up the street to a church to vote. I received a postcard when I first moved into my apartment telling me to go there to vote. Imagine my surprise when I wasn't on the list! Fortunately, they gave me a provisional ballot. I really hadn't been paying much attention to local elections or issues. So, I basically voted straight Democrat and for those non-partisan offices like judges, I voted by either choosing women, or in the case of gender-neutral names or where both people on the ballot were female, I picked a name that sounded good. I know, not the best way to go about it. But I don't really care. And I know that I should. But oh well.



On Halloween, Melissa and I went to an Italian restuarant, Vincenzos, on Queen Anne. I went there with Tim once. Once again, we were the only diners in there. It was so yummy. It took forever getting ready. I forgot how long it takes to crimp very long, thick hair. It's definitely not a way I would wear my hair with any frequency, but it was fun. :) It was freezing outside, especially considering my dress is essentially strapless. Sure it has that sheer material that ties like a halter top, but it doesn't really hold anything up. Or on. Whatever. It's purely decorative. I wore tights, and passed on the boots. Had to wear a winter coat, which I discovered, is way too big for me. Of course. Melissa and I have never been out together without being in a group, so that was fun. Lots of boy talk. :) And work. All that stuff.



Went to Spokane late last week as a favor to Judy who was attending a conference there. It wasn't as boring as I predicted. But still...it's Spokane.



I had one trick or treater...which means I have a lot of candy. Grr.

Nikki on 11.02.04 @ 02:10 PM PST [link]